A Fairly Modest Proposal

It is a quite discouraging item to those who walk through the schools of this great nation, when they see the children who have fallen victim to a metal toy created by man. I think it is agreed by all parties that the number of families devastated, torn, destroyed by the hands of mentally unstable individuals with access to weaponry is too high. The school has disintegrated from a learning environment to a warzone, where students have lost a sense of security and safety. With preposterous suggestions of teaching educators how to handle a firearm, we cannot wait for more shootings to take place before the authorities deem it necessary to take action. My intention is very far from being confined to only preventing school shootings. I am assured by our merchants, that an average handgun is only a couple hundred dollars. Thus, the government will find this affordable, as they have spent much more money in other irrelevant areas. I shall now humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection. 

My solution is simple. Every citizen in this nation should be issued a standard 9MM pistol, provided generously by the caring government. If a citizen can afford to do so, they may upgrade their given firearm with payment. It would be a great service to our nation, preventing crimes all over the board. Children may defend themselves- but most importantly, the incentive to massacre an elementary school will die down. If an enemy invades, we'll have an army of over 300 million soldiers, guns loaded and fingers on the trigger. Weapon producing companies will benefit off of this, able to provide for the government and their people instead of being shunned for giving unstable members of society the resources necessary to terrorize a learning environment. Seeing gun ownership as the issue, giving every citizen access to a firearm will cause the idea of obtaining a gun less special, therefore lessening the likelihood of impulsive decision-making. 

My proposal is no more bold than those advised by other officials, simply stating what is necessary for the growth of society. I promote this necessary work having no other motive than the public good of my country, making the nation's great schools a safer place to which students look forward to attending.